God delivers even when I have great doubts about Him
Just 2 days after my birthday , I got the job
offer. I wasn’t optimistic though as there were just too many strange bad
things that happened before …. Like I nearly got an offer and then something
weird happened. Or I got a lousy offer etc. It’s totally illogical as my ex
bosses gave me good appraisal ratings.
My thoughts before the confirmed job offer was
like God is able but for some reason if He’s not willing then no point asking
or pushing. Its ok he got so many sheep , even if I leave, it doesn’t matter to
Him . maybe he can just change his heart just like the other humans … all
these are in an effort to tamper my expectation . I think my expectations were
too high previously and I was disappointed as a result.
It doesn’t help that at the same time , my part
time job was giving me problems too. He doesn’t wanna pay me though the job was
completed. Its total injustice!!!! I figure it is not worthwhile to fight a battle for a part time job that pays
peanuts though I need to pay my bills. All I want is just a peaceful birthday
and I’m not getting it . “Hack it, God. kill me if you want but don’t torture me’ , I screamed
. I don’t want to worship a God who can’t give me peace. I told myself I want a
peaceful birthday and didn’t engage in the heated sms argument those few days. It
is tough as there goes my temporary small ‘bread’ and my big perm ‘bread’ is
not confirmed. I figure if God wants to
kill me( for reasons known to Himself , I still don’t know what great sin I’ve done
to deserve this tsunami), there’s nothing I can do so it’s probably safer that I
don’t find work and just hide myself so I won’t get attacks. In spite of all
these, I told God for good old times sake, please just give me a decent perm
job. Just like couples who divorced and move on to each of their lives
peacefully.
But the perm job offer wasn’t just good. It was
great and I’m shocked.I got it despite of so many obstacles. 1st of
all, I had a very bad sore throat few days before the interview . I went to see
the doctor and he said that I should have seen him earlier. He can’t guarantee
that I can speak during the interview. I was like hack another roadblock , just
deal with it to the best of my ability and see how. … I’m just exhausted being
in ‘battle’ mode for 2 years plus now its physical exhaustion, double whammy…
But I also discover a new part of me in this process ie I’m a super survivor
and I don’t give up so easily.
The day before the interview , my voice had not
fully recovered yet. I went to the interview with my ‘sexy masculine ‘voice and
hopefully, it won’t affect the outcome. The interviewers were very friendly and
caring and it went surprisingly well. It’s hard to let down my guard after
being in ‘battle ‘mode for so long. But there wasn’t any battle to fight.
A shift had happened. The good things are
chasing after me. They called me for a 2nd interview shortly. The
director is caring and friendly too and I can’t believe that we were smiling
and laughing during the interview. It was just too easy and smooth.
They called me 2 days later with an offer much
higher than what I asked for.
I
requested for a little bit of increment but in my heart , I’m prepared to settle for no increment at all . It
was a ‘wow’ offer. I also prayed and asked for good bosses and I think they
will make very good ones. I realised during these 2 years that good bosses are more important than good
pay. But now I’m getting both. How great is that!. Plus the probability of
getting an interview through the recruitment agent is 10% plus probability of
being headhunted by them is 0% . Only
God can do that.
Above all, I am glad that I was not wrong about
God . He is love, mercy and grace and He won’t forsake me even when I want to
leave Him. I am also thankful to my pastor, Pastor prince for the gospel of
grace he preached , the only thing that keep me going during this tsumami .
And also the precious friendship I found
in the ‘darkness’.
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