Does God has a dark side?

Does God has a dark side?

Does God has a dark side? maybe He does . I was unaware of that side of Him till these 2 years . …I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this. I asked him but there was no reply. I pleaded with him , demanded  help( as his child) from him but there’s nothing but more troubles and yet more. It hasn’t stopped yet and I don’t know when will it stop?

Isn’t he our parent ? if I’ve done anything wrong, please tell me and I can change but there’s nothing. There’s only more ‘wacking’ and I don’t know why . ‘if u hate me so much then you might as well kill me ! don’t torture me please  “ I cried out desperately.  There remains no help.

Then there’s the so called brother and sisters in Christ who are supposed to lift you up when you are down. Some (just like Job’s friends) said it best have been some sin in my life which caused my prosecution . I search and cant find anything that I know. My question is that did Job and paul done anything to deserve  their trials? I think the bible says no.I’m  unsure whether I can compare to Job or paul . im just very unsure about everything now. What I believed about God , what I believed about my life and everything else ? who am I ?

 if God wants to destroy me and destroy my identity in Christ, that’s nothing I could do . Above all, I hope he shows me the minimum mercy to give me decent provision ie a perm job. Its been almost 2 years and I find it every hard to recouncil a good God who don’t even give basic provision . Yes, I have a very strong will to survive  which I discovered during this time. I tell myself I have no identity in Christ , nor in my career , nor in my family , I will rebuild a new identity if He is not helping me.

I discovered that he can open new doors and yet not supply . That wasn’t what I learned from church . why !!!??? I found that how conditional my family’s love can be during this period. They only care about their themselves. Everything in my life crumble. So  I only have a family in  name but not a home . The sad and rude awakening. 

Is it worth investing my time in a abusive relationship ? yes I think its has become that . yes, I love myself more than you , Lord. With my limited human capacility, I can only treat you  just like I treat any other bad relationship. There’s a timeline for everything. I don’t stay in bad ones too long cos I don’t like to torture myself. I leave becos you didn’t care about me. I leave cos you said you are love but your actions says otherwise. Yes, I’m sad to leave cos I do have some feelings for you but to preserve my sanity and survival , I have to leave. So maybe there’s no unconditional love even with God….