Breaking down strongholds
For many years , my career was a crucial part of my self identify as I am single . 2 years ago, I had a vision from God of a building broken down and later being rebuilt , I prayed about it and felt peaceful so I left without a job . I thought it meant rebuilding my foundation . I never expected it to be so painful .
I have a passion for healthcare so I focused on positions from that industry . Just a few weeks after my resignation , I got interview from that industry and since it was the 2nd round of interview , I thought my chances are very good . They asked for my pay slip and I thought wow I got a job offer so fast .Then something weird happened , they didn't revert to me on the offer .
I went for other interviews but no good news so I thought I should apply for temporary jobs in the interim . I was too honest to tell the recruitment agent the truth . Hence I can't get even get temporary jobs as they feared that I will leave as soon as I got my perm job . I told myself damn stupid to be honest . It doesn't help that my savings were running out . I asked God ' where is the daily bread u promised me ?' If you don't give a perm job now at least you should give me a temporary one right ? If not you are not honouring what you said in the bible . It double sucks as my birthday was around the corner .
Early July 2014 , a friend told me her company had a temporary opening so I joined them . My temp boss was a pretty micro -person so I felt some stress. But I told myself it's not worth for a temp job so I came up with ways to manage her . Almost 4 months into the job , there was still no news of a perm job so I thought the next best plan was to be a private tutor so that I can earn higher income while searching .
But God has other plans for me . He opened a perm job for me in early Dec and I was surprised as there were normally less openings at that part of the year . I was very happy to have the money to buy presents for my nephew , niece and friends . The timing was perfect .
2 weeks into the job , I realized that the working style of my new boss and me were polar opposites . I'm macro while she was micro . I tried to adapt but she was impossible to please and I struggled . I was also sad that I was good friends with my ex bosses But it seems like I can't be friends with that new one . Friends advised that I can't be friends with every boss and I need to find a common goal with her and work together . I tried but can't any common goal . Her goal was to cover her own ass while my goal was for the team . It's disgusting to work for such a leader . She treated me like a thorn in the flesh and I'm working almost 7 days a week . I tried to tolerate but I feel my mental and physical health were deteriorating . I value my health above everything in life . Hence I decide to quit without a job again . Yes I did it again . People said that I'm insane to do that but I figured that if I got no health , I will lost the most important thing to move on .
I was angry with God for opening that door but didn't supply me during those difficult situations . It was a trap I told Him .what kinda of good God are you ? I later realized that though I forced myself to take a job I don't like just for the higher pay ,I can't sustain for long as I value relationship at the workplace more . Hence I told myself the next time , I will focused on that and the rest are icing on the cake .
I told myself if for some reason (I don't know why )God left me , I still need to survive and I have to do it no matter what .I borrowed motivational books from the library .I came across the book surviving survival ,the art and science of resilience and I began to understand how come I felt so low ;the lowest point of my life so far .The 2 things I believed in my life were under intense attack namely my career and ' I'm the beloved child in Christ ' . My life was in ruins . The book suggests that I need to build a new identity so that I can be strong again . I need to have a broader self definition instead of a narrow one so that I won't break so easily in the future . I came up with a new identity ' always have a sense of humor and just do it like Nike in any situation ' . I meditated on it daily and I began to feel better and stronger .a brother in Christ told me that God can chose to speak to me through secular books and having a new identity is biblical . I told him that it's possible .It’s just that I'm unsure whether He is willing to help though I know He can make all things possible . my next job came with a 'bang ' , please refer to my post on 22/7/15 . cheers
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I am also thankful to came across Good books like ,' breathing room ' and ' permission to doubt ' that I read which help to sustain me during the difficult times .
