my 1st melt down was when the nation announced a curfew for a month but it's later extended for another month. it's very difficult for me as an extrovert and I'm living alone. double whammy, I say.
My 1st setback is for the 1st time in my life. I was told that my probation was extended. I don't agree that it's due to miscommunication or the inferior complexity of my new boss who had poisoned the director's impression of me.
Even i had doubts about GoD,I decided that if i want a different outcome then I need to do something differently from the last time. Things did turn out differently. I thought i had issues with male boss just like what happen in my last job but i thought no harm trying since it's very difficult to switch industry in this season and i hope to be able to help my family whose industry are affected by the downturn. Months later, they did confirmed me.I felt relieved but not joyful....but thankful.
The next wave came, that i had a lump on my body and need to go for more checks. I've always tried to eat healthily and maintain a healthy lifestyle but this news was shocking to me. I had a rage and disappointment that was unprecedented before. it's been more than a week and i can't seem to chase the grey cloud above me go away. it's hovering around me . i still have unfulfilled dreams . I've given a lot in my job helping people , including my family too.
I then heard that my sister's debtors has finally catch up with her. They will sue her in my birthday month. That's when my health check is too.I am appalled to hear that sister told me that brother's response to her on her pending court case is that you have a low life, just go in and serve your sentence.what about him and his destructive lifestyle ? who is he to judge when he is the scumbag? my rage surge again. where is the justice? why the bad people get to gloat over people's misfortune?
is this the values our parents have taught us over the years? they taught us the same thing but how come the other 2 turn out like that ?
maybe this is a test i would not pass. I'm exhausted and the doubts return and its getting stronger. Seriously, if i dont protection from you, Lord then i've no choice but to depend on myself. I'm not sorry as my language of love is acts of service. I want the restoration in joy and love and family life since my parents passed away 2 years ago. where is it?
May I know that indeed His grace is sufficient for all the thorns in my life. ??!!.......
