I thk life as a Christian gets harder the closer or longer you walk with the Lord. Dad was diagnosed with critical illness months ago and mum suddenly passed away last week . We were very focused on dad’s treatment that time and may have neglected mum. I did noticed she was losing appetite and weight. She frequently said that she was worried about dad so I thought it’s an anxiety issue. We tried to encourage her to eat more and she need to let go and she needs to take care of herself so that she can care for dad. Despite that her condition did not improve. She went to see a specialist 3 months ago but her shortness of breath worsen and lose of appetite did not improve .
A week before she passed away , I found that her face looked very yellowish and insisted that she be admitted to hospital right away. As usual , she was very resistant but this time , I told her no matter wat,we are carrying her into the hospital by hook or by crook. My instinct was right,she was admitted to the intensive care unit a few hours after admission for closer monitoring.thankfully she was conscious during her stay in icu and can understand us when we talked to her. She improved for a couple of days. On thurs, I felt that her body feels cold when we left home . I also prayed for her healing and the Lord shalom to be upon her but the next morn, I got a call that the Doctors are trying to resuscitate her . When dad and me reached the ward , she had already passed on.
Why Lord ? I was angry and disappointed. Why didn’t you heal her like you did to those people in the bible ? She didn’t even had a chance to get to know you!
There are 2 upcoming time bombs that may increase my financial burden and I honestly do not know how can I handle it? It’s huge ... more importantly , I want to complete my dream and vision, Lord u hear the desires of my heart didn’t you?!
Indeed the path get narrower n not many will stay with Him till the last days. I’m feeling the heat of The intense prosecution .The greatest I’ve had so far and I can’t see what's the next step ahead. Another time bomb exploded yet again today.
Yes you are the God that give me many things but you seem to take away more. What are you ? are you mercy and grace? are you a great pretender?
There's no point in me feeling angry as I know I can't stop your Will which overrides everything. It will just make my health suffer. Perhaps this time there is no turning back once I decided that it's best i spend whatever time I have to do what my heart desires. What's the point in me sacrificing so much in many areas of my life? yes, you could take away my breath in a second and I seriously don't fear. I can only say that i made yet another mistake to believe you just like how some had betrayed/ take me for granted. That's ok since I'm human and I made mistakes so I pay for them.
If this is outcome I get for trusting you, Lord. I shall repay those who repay evil for kindness the same way that I humanly can. I am not a saint. I do not need to worship anyone anymore.
Perhaps there will be just one and only vision that i get from you which i do not comprehend since 2 years + ago. The only one which did not come to pass. It's ok , I can deal with that. I can dream new dreams. I don't bow down to those who deliberately make my life hell. If you really created me, Lord then you would know what another ''rock'' doesn't smoothen my ''rock'', it just makes it sharper!
