It’s the 1st day of
2018. My world is still a shade of grey and black. when will I reach the end of
the tunnel?
My church said that 2017 is the
year of the Jubilee, hence I was full of expectation. But from Jan till Dec
2017, all I saw was wave and wave of attacks, bad news channel. I wish I can
change the channel . I also kept on asking God hey where is my Jubilee present,
Lord? Days just flew by and there seems to be no ‘rainbow’in sight. I have
already tried my best and stretched it, what more do you want ? I tried to stay
in peace and rest but the evil one would not let me rest. There is no rest in
my career, family and romance.
My dad fell sick and I’m trying
my best to juggle work and family. It doesn’t help that most of my colleagues are unfeeling and 2 faced and would
push things to me. I’ve learned that to survive, I’ve to repay them with the
same lesson they taught me. On the romance part, things are not working out as I
could not accept someone who has commitment and integrity issues. I thank God
that I saw through the façade. He did not deserve me. I later met a very
charismatic guy in Nov but he did not respond. Sigh for a while, I thought he
was my Jubliee present ….Towards the end of 2017, I was told that dad’s medical
bills may be very huge. It didn’t help that my siblings are bad paymasters due
to bad lifestyle choice. How could I shoulder the he bill by myself? Its one
thing for them to pay me later for a bill which costs few hundred dollars
versus one which costs few thousand per month. Plus I also have other financial
commitments too…bigger ones in 2018…
The spiritual walk definitely
becomes harder over time. I thought my faith was stronger after the last trial.
but when multiple attacks came together, I felt its coming apart. Sorry God’ Im not able
to show grace nor mercy to those evil people who prosecute me for no good
reason. If I don’t get the supply then I don’t have any supply to give. I’m
only human.
Maybe the only thing is that I’m
still alive and sane despite the craziness that’s happening around me . How
will we end this time round? Maybe I will leave for good as I don’t know why
you the loving Abba left me for no good reason ? I still need to survive no
matter what and most important I hate people who don’t keep promise. That
applies to you too, Lord. You made me so
You should know it too.
