Around mar 2015, I threw in the towel. I
was devastated by so many issues at the new work place despite my best attempts,
I failed. Most importantly, I failed to build a good relationship with my new
boss. Just a week into the job, I knew we have very different working style. So
I tried to seek friend’s advice and seek to find a common goal instead. I changed
my mindset but things didn’t get better cos I realised that her goal is for
herself only while my goal is for the team. The ironical thing is that we are
both Christians but so what ? She reminded me so much of my last ex boss who
was a catholic and yet behaved so badly. More than anything, I was extremely
disappointed with God and angry with Him .
When I first got the job, I was just happy
that I could buy presents for my nephew and niece and other kids I knew and my
beloved friends. The prosecution continues again . I prayed for a good
increment in my next job as advised by
the pastor , ask boldly and u will receive. So I did . The monthly salary offer
was higher than my last drawn salary but the yearly package was not higher . I
reluctantly accepted cos I was desperate. I recalled that I prayed for higher
monthly salary and not yearly. I thought maybe I prayed wrongly. He did answer my
prayer. …
I left the job without a new job . I
learned some lessons too. I thought I passed His test but the prosecution continues . I took up a
course which may open new doors for my career . Many issues surfaced again , I tried
to deal with it but many were beyond me. How long must this go on? Its been
almost 2 years. What have I done to deserve this ?
Things had been rocky since Jul 2013 when I
left my last job. I had seen many new things including new insights about
myself and also the ugly truth about the conditional love from my own family . I
valued relationships the most and that ‘killed’me. My heart was shattered and
my soul ‘died ‘cos I had faithfully contributed to the household all these years
and yet all they cared was themselves . Yes I am independent and wouldn’t ask
for help unless I need it but I do appreciate help.
I asked for daily manna by finding part
time jobs but that didn’t come until much later. And the help came from a
unbeliever. Where are you , God ? then
the new job came and I thought I was ‘saved ‘but the prosecution continued ..
Sorry , God I think you run out of time. I
think 2 years is enough. It’s a matter of survival and I do have bills to pay. You
have all the time in the world but not me. I guess relationship with you is
just like other relationships that may turn sour over time. I did my best and if
that’s not good enough then too bad. I asked you for a reason and you don’t want
to answer . yes I know that I cant force you. I had given you more time than I had
given any other human . I had loved you
but it appears that your love is similar like my parents . It’s not reciprocal.
Didn’t the bible say that you will correct
but wont break the child’s spirit ? Didn’t You say that you will not make me
bear more than I could take? It’s sad
but I need to move on. Fellow Christians tried to encourage me and prayed for
me. I’m thankful but I told them , God
has to show that He honours his words and not anybody else .pastors are not even responsible for this. Everybody
must answer for their own words and yes, I take promises seriously and I hope
He do too. Jul 2015 will be 2years, what
will I see ? goliath reminds ? or I’m ‘divorced from Him cos I’m disappointed that He didn’t keep his promise.
